We're overrun with snails. Fat, juicy slithering lumps of elastic, they ooze through the undergrowth. They munch their way through the cabbages, the melons, the zucchini in our potager, leaving the vegetables looking like someone has been at them with an acid drip. In revenge, and because nothing should go to waste, I took a leaf from their book and decided to eat them.

You take a bucket, fill it with snails then put a lid over it and leave it for a few days. This gives the snails time to siddle up the sides of the bucket in search of escape, defecating as they go. Periodically you clean out the bucket and repeat until clean. Then cook the little blighters according to a recipe of your choice, preferably with enough garlic to distract you from the fact that you are simply eating erasers for free. 

All a terrific 'vachement folklorique' French activity in principle. But not when you have people with Smalls staying during the period. Number One Small, an individual brimming with curiosity, decided to check on the snails' progress, probably to remove one to place on the neck of Number Two Small. And left the lid off. Came the dawn, the snails reached freedom. At the hour of the breakfast, they were paving the floor, crunching and squelching under the feet of the first unsuspecting -- then instantly shrieking -- seeker after coffee.

Better to settle on mussels for those garlic and parsley recipes. Here's Mouclade, which is another, more exotic, way to cook those other, more pleasant, lumps of squidge. 

Serves 4 - 6

4 pounds mussels, cleaned in several changes of water and debearded
1 pint dry white wine
1 bay leaf
2 onions, chopped
3 tablespoons butter
2 shallots, roughly chopped
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
juice 1 lemon
2 egg yolks
1 tablespoon cognac
pinch cayenne pepper
salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 teaspoons chopped fresh parsley

In a large heavy bottomed pan heat the wine, bay leaf and onions then add the mussels. Cover and cook 5 minutes, shaking the pan a few times. Discard any mussels that haven't opened. Strain with a slotted spoon into a warmed dish, covering them with a tea cloth to keep them warm while you strain the cooking juices into a clean pan.

Heat the butter in another large pan, saute the shallots till soft then add the garlic and curry powder, lemon juice and strained cooking juices and heat.

Beat the egg yolks with the cream in a bowl, stir in a hot ladleful of the cooking liquid then carefully pour it back into the main pan. Simmer over low heat for 5 minutes without letting it come to the boil or it will curdle. Season and add the cognac.

Pile the mussels onto a warmed serving dish, pour the liquid over, then sprinkle lightly with parsley and serve with crusty bread to mop up the juices.
 
Webbed feet kept a little at bay this week. Ducks consumed so far: 2 pots of duck rillettes; 5 portions of duck confit;1 helping duck cassoulet; 2 home-made terrines of foie gras; 2 servings of foie gras brulee from Le Vieux Logis; copious slices duck salami; 1 large Quiche au Confit.

1 Comment

1. Catherine Wyler

   At lunch last week in a gorgeous home in Cuernavaca, Mexico, we were served with an appetizer of snails, complete with all the necessary utensils. Our host said they used garden snails, first covering them with flour, which the snails ate, and that cleaned their insides for human consumption. Judging by your experience with the bucket that needed cleaning (yech!), he may have left something out, judging it too graphic for luncheon conversation.